Now 'oo shall I send cards to?
Mother an' Mrs Evans up the road
Well mother 'ud be offended if I didn't
What with Mrs Evans 'avin 'er back
..an' er cross to bear
We 'ave to neighbour a lot
an' mother takes 'er 'ot pot round
..not that she ever seems to eat it
'Oo else? Oh yes The Neighbours
Well they watch the 'owse when I go away
..though I'm certain Mrs Jarvis' son Robert
was the one 'oo robbed the knickers off the line
well I wouldn't 'ave minded but they were mi best pilch
Irreplaceable - an' so embarrassin'
That policemen didn't know where to put 'imself
You'd think 'ee'd never 'eard the word knicker before
Anyway I suppose I'd better send 'er one
I'll make it just for 'er
What was 'er name? Betty? Edna? Ann?
Well I can 'ardly put Mrs Jarvis can I?
Easier just to put Greetings from
Not so personal - but I don't like 'er much
An' Marjorie next door - bit scruffy for my likin'
streams of men troopin' in an' out
none of 'em stop long
An' Mr an' Mrs Prenderghast in the detached
not that they ever made me welcome
"Take off your shoes so you don't dirty the carpets"
You'd think I was a pit worker
Never allowed in 'ee isn't - without carpet slippers on 'is feet
Funny woman
Oh yes an' Lavinia
What she wants wi' that great tribe of kids
I'll never know
Three or four belong to 'er sisters
but that still leaves three or four that are 'ers
No 'usband in evidence - never was, so I 'ear -
Still they're all like that these days.
not one of 'em washed very much either
Still I'll send 'er a card
Auntie Phil and Uncle Sid
Thank goodness they're not comin' back 'ere again this year
What with 'er 'ot flushes an' 'is "indigestion problems"
the window was never shut
Trudie..shall I send one to Trudie?
Well she 'asn't sent me one since 1979
..jog 'er elbow? just a bit o' fun
Yes I'll send one to Trudie
..make 'er feel guilty
And Connie
..never sent me a card since we left school
Miserable devil..promised she would
Still those twelve months in Styal probably put 'er off wantin' to be known
..shopliftin' wasn't it..?
best be incognito I suppose
Yes I'll send 'er one
Now 'oo does that leave?
Clarice and Bill..Eric an' Juliah
Why the `h' I'll never know
Jannie and Popples
Suppose I'll 'ave to include Popples
Fancy sendin' a Christmas card to a poodle
Still she only gets offended..
Oh yes..an' our Brian - an' that slut -
What's 'er name?..Nasturtium?
All beads fags an' incense
..probably to 'ide the fact that she doesn't wash much
..an' our Brian never sends me one
so I don't know why I bother
Now what shall I put this year?
A Merry Christmas
and a very Happy New Year
with lots of love
and affectionate regard
from Lorena and Ted
Yes that'll do.
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